March 1, 2011

(from the dispatch desk of city room flimflammer, Mac Jasper)
Mac Jasper

Listen to Jasper’s broadcast here:

Vegetarian options are on the downslide in New York City, as severely as the many shanks for the carnivore are now everywhere advertised. The non-meat munchers of the city have now found even their beverages buggered by the baloney-biters, over at the new gastro-café, where one may order the bacon martini, in fact a martini made with bacon.

Says one local cabbage-jockey, quote “I would scarf down homefries cooked on a skillet where Taylor Ham just sizzled, before I’d ever take a bite of gluten-free pizza,” end quote. Such a skillet sizzles with Jersey’s own pork roll most delectably at Johny’s Luncheonette, on 25th St. btwn 6th and 7th, where, as a regular reports, quote, “George runs a tight ship for the breakfast and lunch crowd. Sure, Johny’s has a veggie burger, and it’s probably great, but why not have one of Johny’s special pita-pizzas,” end quote. The people are boffo for Johny’s.

This just in, from the Manila, Philippines desk:
At least 750 kilos of “double dead” or tainted hog meat were seized while three suspected vendors of the hot meat were arrested in a predawn raid on a market in Quezon City Wednesday. Radio dzBB’s Paulo Santos reported the joint operation by the city police and health office swooped down on the Balintawak Market at 2:30 a.m. Found in the raid conducted at about 2:30 a.m. were 700 kilos of hot meat and 50 kilos of lechon (roasted pig) meat. Arrested were three suspected vendors, initially identified as Ludy dela Rosa, Lea Balte, and Carlo Trinidad. City health officer Dr. Ana Marie Cabel cited initial findings most of the hot meat seized Wednesday may have come from Bulacan province. Earlier, the National Meat Inspection Service said it is monitoring farms in Bulacan, Pampanga, Pangasinan, Tarlac, Nueva Ecija as possible sources of the hot meat. Authorities have intensified their watch for hot meat, anticipating a rise in demand for the commodity as the Christmas holidays draw closer.

Double-dead huh? Double-dead, eh?  That’s what they used to call Ed Falzone back on the Glittering Gulch, on account of he felt out the window 17 floors from the Astor Hotel, and walked away without injury – over for a dime-a-dance up the Stem… for a little hot meat.

And that’s the squib.